Denial (defence mechanism)

Going back to the topic of Defences, let us take a look at denial. I have been reading a self-help book on How To Be Your Own Therapist. So far it has been an interesting read, although I have reservation on the idea of setting out to make mistakes to learn my lesson. I think that could be the case as part of life, but wonder do we really have to literally ‘put our hand into the fire to know that it will get burnt’?

In my view some things are best left to the application of common sense. However reverting back to the intra-psychic defence of denial. Having made a wrong decision or there being a feeling within that might evoke embarrassment, why not work through the denial. It will not make you everlastingly happy but it could improve the quality of your life in terms of accepting the thought or feeling and not festering in it, sometimes for what seems a lifetime.

What if you have actually carried the thought through and the result was negative even harmful. It is so hard to say “I am sorry” and actually mean it?

Denial, not accepting reality, is just one defence mechanism that the Freuds identified some time ago, however it can be a major impingement on personal growth forging a kind of ‘stuckness’ and avoidance of change. How is this unhealthy? Investigating how it works not just within but without in terms of relationships, perhaps it would be good to consider how helpful is it to deny things consistently to an intimate partner, relative or friend. When something in any relationship is not working activating denial, often becomes deluded with the idea that the thing that is denied will either go away or get better.

It is not going to be easy to stopy denying, expecially if it has become something used excessively to block the truth or reality.  To achieve a better state of psychical health and healthier relationships, give the urge to deny a trial to stop it.  Why not find out how to enjoy the freedom of real relationships. It might not be half as painful as you think it might be, when compared to others finding out the truth.

Patricia F (2003) Ph.D

Schadenfreude (in adult bullying)

Have you ever been bullied? Maybe this takes you back to your childhood; however, I am asking you this question now. As an adult have you ever been bullied by an intimate partner or a relative? I ask this question again, irrespective of gender or sexual orientation? Domestic Violence takes the lives of 2 women a week, has no boundaries as respect to gender and the police receive at least one phone call a minute about this problem.

I find myself here thinking about psychotherapists like Melanie Klein and Karen Horney and their amazing work on conflict and somehow wonder what it could have been like talking about their ideas and the debates that resulted out of their discussions.

Although Melanie talks quite a bit about the workings of aggressive phantasies and it all sounds a bit crazy to some, I agree that conflict starts at a much earlier time, like in infancy. Whereas Melanie has her view Karen gave me even greater insight having learnt about her subjective experience of finding her father to be quite an authoritarian, that is, someone who needs to be in full control of other people.

I had wondered like Melanie whether that feeling of control starts from birth with a child’s association of the importance of the mother’s breast and the normal feelings of envy and jealousy that are developing at that time. However, taking the development a stage further I wonder how this relates to what Freud talks about when he refers to Narcissism, that is, the normal development of admiration: primary narcissism and the Oedipus Complex, that is, libidinal feelings for one parent and hostility towards the other? What happens if somehow these feelings of admiration and/or hostility are not normally worked through as a child? I wonder if as adults unconsciously they could appear at times in extreme forms as Freud says, 'as energy' that needs to automatically be expressed somehow, whereby some people might choose to express unresolved earlier or later conflict by bullying or being violent.

Schadenfreude, that is, feeling joy over others misfortunes can come in different forms, is usually deliberate and can be extreme forms of behaviour to cause pain to another person. All the same it is said to be connected to sadism and hostility that I am sure Melanie would have agreed with.

If you know anyone who is being bullied let them know about Schadenfreude. If you are a bully then you are urged to stop bullying people who love you.

Credit: The Art of Making Oneself Loved by One's Wife, c.1825 (colour litho), Hippolyte (fl.1825) / Musee de la Ville de Paris, Musee Carnavalet, Paris, France / Archives Charmet / The Bridgeman Art Library
Courtesy of : Bridgeman Art Library

Schadenfreude



A private feeling that is quite singular

That derives from an act quite particular.

You can form the trigger but it is likely I

That brings about a situation so sly.



In my world I call it joy

In the external world you are the toy

The aim of the game is simply to destroy

That social feeling of humane happiness.



So private a feeling, so hidden the notion

The poison is in behaviour with the exact potion.

Hopping mad for joy, for something that you deserve

For competing with Me and igniting my envy.



The law of biological conflict might be unconscious

But my determination to promote

Survival of the fittest is convincingly conscious.

It’s all ‘economics’: it’s your fault, you have no rights.

(c) Jennifer Hooper 2009-10

Hinshelwood, R.D., 1991. A Dictionary of Kleinian Thought. London. 2nd Ed. : Free Association Books

Boeree C.G. Dr, Personality Theories, 1997 and 2006 Karen Horney [internet]. Available at: http://webspace.ship.edu/cgboer/horney.html [Accessed 15th January 2010]

CREATIVE COUNSELLING BOOKSTORE

http://astore.amazon.co.uk/creativecouns-21

Events and News 2010

POETRY, SPOKEN WORD, CREATIVE WRITING AND MUSIC EVENTS 2010

If creative writing or spoken word is something that interests you its one of my passions as well.  These days its a modern art form that all ages are interested in and there are opportunties in and around London that anyone can get involved in.  Its exciting, exhilarating and fun.  You can  find events and news of interest here.  Some events are FREE, but check in advance for entry fees on favourite links below.

The Freeword
http://www.freewordonline.com/events/

The Poejazzi Tonic
http://www.southbankcentre.co.uk/find/literature-spoken-word/tickets/the-poejazzi-tonic-50443

Jamoke Fashola
The Jazz Verse JukeBox
Dates: 17th January, 14th February and 14th March 2010 at Ronnie Scotts Jazz Club, 47 Frith St, Soho, London, W1D 4HT
http://www.jumokefashola.com/Jumokefashola.com/Video.html

Louise Golbey
Shows
http://www.louisegolbey.com/


News: Poetry and Psychology

Poetry
Farrago London Poetry Slam
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/article6957668.ece

Psychology
Adam Phillips - Psychotherapist and Essayist - Article in the Guardian
His ITV's South Bank Show  appearance is on 27 February
http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2005/feb/13/booksonhealth.lifeandhealth


The Guardian
Monthly poetry workshops
http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2010/jan/21/tony-williams-poetry-workshop


No responsibility held for broken links.

Defences

Freud suggests that defensive characteristics are all originally associated with infantile personality development. These are in stages: oral, anal and genital that includes the working through of an Oedipus Complex. The Oedipus Complex is a period where the child experiences sexual desires towards a parent and hostility towards the other. Freud suggests that defences enable the infant to cope with various levels of frustration and anxiety. Freud identifies defences as arising from the libido, aggression and death instinct. In other words, the infant is unconsciously driven by survival instincts or impulses of self-preservation. However, some defences could be non-destructive too, to help protect his or her personality from hurtful or harmful physiological or psychological pain.

Hinshelwood R.D. (1989, p.384). records Freud’s 1985 introduction of the concept of projection in psychoanalysis in various formats. However “projection of parts of self”, that is, a dynamic activity of putting unwanted thoughts, feelings or desires onto another, often a therapist, shone new light on intra psychic dynamics, that is, what is deduced as going on in the patient’s own head – here-and-now. Freud’s research on projection also introduced new ideas on inter psychic dynamics, that is, the here-and-now phenomenon between two or more persons, but usually in a clinical setting. An example of inter psychic dynamics could thus be, an expulsion or projection of parts of the self on to the analyst, such projection can also be regarded as ubiquitous to any relationship...

Strachey, J., 1991. Introductory Lectures on Psychoanalysis Sigmund Freud. Volume 1. London: Penguin Books

 

Hinshelwood, R.D., 1991. A Dictionary of Kleinian Thought. London. 2nd Ed. : Free Association Books

 

Extract taken from my Theory Essay 2009, (c) Jennifer Hooper 2009

 

For more details on defences go to: http://www.psychpage.com/learning/library/counseling/defenses.html

but please return.

The Loved Object

The loved object?
What loved object?
I am still waiting for
That moment of discovery.


First I see myself
Then I see you
The images keep on
Fluctuating between the two.


There is obviously
Something of significance
Going on in my world
That deserves some kind of recovery.


Could it be symbiosis?
A unitary sense of oneness
That I have fooled myself into believing
As a kind of primordial thing?


I wonder why I hadn’t learnt then
That this wish or desire was futile.
That separateness was the only way.
To love the Other in this play.

Copyright (c) Jennifer Hooper 2009

CREATIVE COUNSELLING BOOKSTORE

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